Day Sixteen -- Fruit of the Spirit: Gentleness

"But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere."  - James 3:17

My husband is tall and built like a football player -- we're talking 6'4" and the ability to lift a truck.  His younger brother is even bigger -- he even cracked his grandmother's ribs with his strong bear hug (true story!).

Upon the discovery that our first baby was on the way, I will admit to laying awake at night wondering if he'd ever figure out his strength.  How could this big, burly, stronger-than-Goliath man ever handle a newborn with the gentleness I knew they would need?

And then delivery day came, and my muscle man turned into muscle mush when he held our first baby in his arms.  The way that he cradled our new child and spoke with such tenderness, sweetly sharing all of the great things he had planned for them to do together...well, I was blown away.

Now, that newborn is 8 years old and that child still needs gentleness -- not just in physical ways, but with his words, tone of voice, the way he approaches situations.  There is definitely a time where our sons need his aggressiveness -- I, as their mom, certainly can't give them the chances to burn of that energy the way their dad can with wrestling, etc.  But those times are balanced by the times when our sons need gentleness and sweet words from their dad, knowing that they have a safe place to fall and grow with him, as well,

Perhaps gentleness is more of an approach to life than a specific characteristic to develop.  My sons wouldn't be who they are (nor would my husband be) without those aggressive streaks they possess -- but I think it's okay to teach them how and when to use it.

Brooke shared this in the LG:

"Since they were born, we've whispered these words into our sons' ears:


God made men to protect women and care for them.  God made you a big brother!  Your job is to protect your little brother, not hurt him.  There's a time to play and a time to listen.  If you can't listen, you have to feel (true in so many aspects of life).  God wants you to use your strength to protect, not to hurt.  Superheroes don't look for fights, but they will fight to protect others.  It's OK to want to be the best, but the best people in life are the ones who serve others.  A gentle word turns away wrath..."


Today, as you pray the ten prayers in the gentleness chapter, consider this thought: Helping our sons to define and set parameters for their aggression can help develop a worldview of gentleness.

So how do you do that?  How do YOU define and set parameters for your sons' aggression?  Comment here or on the Facebook page.

Day Fifteen -- Fruit of the Spirit: Faithfulness

I dream of sons that are responsible and can hold down jobs.

I dream of sons who work hard each and every day to support their families.

I dream of sons who are faithful and 100% committed to their wives.

I dream of sons who are good and faithful to their children.

But Brooke pointed something out.  What we really need to pray about is that our sons would be faithful to God.

"Doesn't this one prayer bring with it the solution to everything else [mentioned above]?  A man whose first love is Jesus, will be faithful in all of the areas above.  He won't be perfect, but he will possess the ability to be empowered by the Holy Spirit to be faithful.  It is something worth praying for."

Indeed, Brooke, it IS something worth praying for.  Today, commit to the praying the ten prayers in the faithfulness chapter.

And consider this quote from Paul E. Miller's A Praying Life: Connecting with God in a Distracting World.  "Mature Christians are keenly aware that they can't raise their kids.  It's a no-brainer.  Even if they are perfect parents, they still can't get inside their kids' hearts.  That's why strong Christians pray more."

Whether you are a strong Christian with your feet firmly planted in the Lord for years, or a new believer who is falling in love with Jesus for the first time, you have chosen to commit to praying for your sons.  That, my friends, is something I am thankful for and rejoice in each day.

How do you exhibit faithfulness for your sons?  Share your thoughts in the comments below, or at the Facebook page.

"Now therefore fear the Lord and serve him in sincerity and in faithfulness ... " ~Joshua 24:14

Day Fourteen -- The Fruit of the Spirit: Goodness

Brooke's encouragement in the LG for today is absolutely perfect.  She originally posted it at the M.O.B. Society.  Enjoy!

"What are you aiming for?  When your boys disobey, disrespect, are unkind.  When they seek to understand what's important.  When they notice girls, cheat in school or fight on the bus.  When they're seeking marriage, failing in school or deciding whether to have sex for the first time or not ... what are you aiming for?

I want their hearts.  No behavior modification or fad parenting of the day.  No, I want the hearts of our boys, because God wants the hearts of our boys.  I'm aiming for the heart.  But how?

"Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites!  For you are like whitewashed tombs, which outwardly appear beautiful, but within are full of dead people's ones and all uncleanness.  So you outwardly appear righteous to others, but within you are full of hypocrisy and lawlessness."  (Matthew 23:27-28, ESV)

Looking at parenting through the lens of these verses has changed everything for me.  You see I was a Pharisee.  Boy was my cup clean on the outside.  But on the inside?  On the inside my cup was filthy, full of all uncleanness.

I had everybody fooled, even myself.  I believed that if I did good things, it made me good.  Actually, it's probably closer to the truth to say that if I don't do bad things, I wasn't bad.  I didn't know that no one is good.  I didn't really understand that everyone sins.  And I didn't understand the depth of my own sin until the Lord showed it to me.

Question:  In our efforts to raise our sons are we teaching them that if they do good things they are good?  Righteous even?  If we teach them that being good is all it takes, if our discipline and training focuses on their behavior, how will they know they need a Savior?

Are we raising little Pharisees?  Or are we raising Godly men with a heart for God?  If a Godly son is your goal, you must aim for the heart.  Because unless the heart is changed -- touched -- the behavior will stay the same.  It might look a little different, morph some as they grow.  But behavior is always a symptom of the state of the heart.  What's in the heart, comes out.

"Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks."  - Matthew 12:34

Ask yourself these questions:

• What parenting tools have I been using that only focus on changing behavior and not the heart?  Am I willing to lay them down even if they produce what looks like a good child?
• Reaching a child's heart takes time.  Behavior modification is much faster!  Am I willing to change things about my life so that I have the time to invest int he hearts of my children?
• Most importantly: Am I willing to submit my own heart to God and allow Him to mold me from the inside out?

Shepherding our boys is not for the faint of heart friends!  Once a week or more I'm tempted to just throw it all out the window (including the boys ... ) and take the easier path.  So what keeps me going?

I want their hearts.  Just like my Heavenly Father wants mine."


Do you agree with Brooke?  Do you want their hearts?  Take a peek at those three bulleted questions.  What parenting tools have you been using that focus on changing behavior and not the heart?  Feel free to respond here or on the Facebook group page.

Pray through the ten prayers of goodness for your sons! Today, I will cover you and your sons with prayers of endurance and perseverance, and ask God to change our hearts.

Day Thirteen -- Fruit of the Spirit: Kindness

"Love one another with brotherly affection.  outdo one another in showing honor."  - Romans 12:10

Is kindness something innate in us?  Are we born "kind" people?  My guess is no.  We're selfish, sinful beings who mostly want our own way.  More likely, kindness is a learned art...which means our sons are learning it from us.

It's quite challenging to learn how to be kind without receiving kindness.  Our sons are looking to us for show them how it feels to receive kindness.  Only then, can they know how important it is to share kindness. 

Kind is not something that you just are. Kindness must be demonstrated or practiced.  Proverbs 19:22 says, "That which makes a man to be desired is his kindness; and a poor man is better than a liar." It doesn't mean being kind to some and not to others.  Our sons need to know that even a smile to a stranger can be an act of kindness that will drastically change the course of their day.

My son, Easton, is every bit the hustling-bustling, never-ending ball of energy that you expect a two-year-old to be.  But he also exhibits kindness in ways that absolutely surprise me.  He will willingly give his toys to his playmates without prompting.  He is eager to get things that we need.  Easton always has a smile on his face, and he seems to try hard to make his siblings happy.

Why is he, my fourth child, full of kindness at such a young age?  I think he sees it exhibited in his older siblings.  He sees them willing to share their toys with each other and him.  He sees them smile at him just in an effort to make him smile.  Easton knows what it is to receive kindness because he is surrounded by it every day.

Now don't get me wrong -- he most definitely sees his older siblings duke it out over a toy or the last granola bar.  And he sees them treat each other with what is most definitely NOT kindness.  But more times than not, Easton's heart is receiving it, and he's already doling it out in great quality.

In the LG, Brooke's encouragement comes from Sally Clarkson, author of The Mission of Motherhood.  What she shares has actually been posted on the M.O.B. Society, so I'm providing the links for them here.  Take a peek -- she wrote a two-part piece on the kind of hand our sons need.  Both parts are well worth the time and effort spent devouring them.  

Part 1

Part 2

Today, cover your sons with the ten prayers in the kindness chapter.  I will be praying this with my sons today, so that they can hear what scripture says about kindness.  

How do you exhibit kindness?  How to you teach your sons to show kindness?  Share your thoughts here or on the facebook group page.  

Day Twelve -- Fruit of the Spirit: Patience

"But whoever would be great among you must be your servant ... " ~Matthew 20:26

I remember so well when my husband and I first met.  I couldn't wait to spend more time with him!  I knew this person was special and there wasn't enough time in each day for us to spend together.  A little later in our relationship, I couldn't wait to get engaged!  After our engagement, that wedding just couldn't come fast enough.  I was so fired up for the big amazing things (and so lacking in patience) that I could easily have missed the everyday, mundane moments that made our relationship so special.

In the LG, Brooke's encouragement is very much along these lines.  I've included a bit of it below.  

"I'm convinced that God cares less about how much I accomplish in life...the 'great things' I do in His Name...than He does about how I respond to the things He allows into my life on the daily.  Some of the most accomplished in the Kingdom of Christ are those whose names you and I will never know this side of heaven.  And greatness is only measured by how well we respond to Christ in the little things.  Being patient for what God's plan is and not necessarily pursuing our own dreams."

Oh boy.  Those words -- God's plan.  It's so hard sometimes (okay, MOST times) to step aside and let God's plan lead us.  It can be challenging and frustrating to find contentment and peace with life "as is" and to be patient for the things God has in store for us down the road.  

Brooke has quoted Paul E. Miller several times recently on her blog and facebook page.  In his book,  A Praying Life: Connecting with God in a Distracting World, Paul has this to say about greatness:

"Underneath her obedient life is a sense of helplessness.  It has become part of her very nature...almost like breathing.  Why?  Because she is weak.  She can feel her restless heart, her tendency to compare herself with others.  She is shocked at how jealousy can well up in her.  She notices how easily the world gets its hooks into her.  In short, she distrusts herself.  When she looks at other people, she sees the same struggles.  The world, the flesh, and the Devil are too much for her.  The result?  Her heart cries out to God in prayer.  She needs Jesus."

Friends, be encouraged today.  Know that your "ten little prayers" are part of the little things that matter most.  Do you think you're teaching your son(s) that the "little things" are what matter most?

As you cover your sons in prayer today, I will be covering you in prayer for strength and endurance, for God to move in the hearts of your sons, and for patience for all of us.  And for those men who are joining us today -- HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!

May our sons be strengthened with all power, according to God's glorious might, for all endurance and patience with joy (Colossians 1:11)

Day Eleven - Fruit of the Spirit: Peace

Today is another day where I am going to share, word-for-word from the LG.  Today's encouragement comes from Laura Lee Groves, author of I'm Outnumbered! One Mom's Lessons in the Lively Art of Raising Boys.  


"Most of us are actually outnumbered by the males in our households -- for me, it's been five to one!  But it's not just the numbers that bring that sense of being overwhelmed.

For the mom of just one baby boy, a baby's demands can be overwhelming.

For the mom of a toddler boy, the constant busyness, discovery, and rebellion can wear mom down.

For the mom of a school age son, making sure he's keeping up with learning and homework can be taxing and worrisome.

For the mom of a middle schooler and teen boy -- oh, there's so much to worry about!

But you're not the first mom.  It's pretty clear to see we're in this thing called mothering together.  That means others feel -- or have felt -- that same need for peace.

What can you do to help yourself?


First, find someone to confide in -- someone who's walking same path, or someone who has walked it before.  My biggest support when my boys were small were two boy moms whose sons were a few years ahead of mine.  Find someone you can be honest with about the trials of mothering.

If at all possible, step away from the demands -- for an hour, for an evening, even just for fifteen minutes.  Let someone else hold the baby or chase the toddler for just a bit, and don't feel guilty.  If your son is school age, find a project or lesson that Dad or big brother or someone else can step into in your place, and take a break.  Or just step back and give your son a little more responsibility -- see if he can handle it.  We too often see ourselves as indispensable when our sons can do some things on their own.

You can help yourself by shifting your perspective as he grows.  We have to accept that they're growing and changing, and if we resist that, it just makes everything more difficult.  As he grows, do whatever you can to stay close to him.  When he hits those middle and teen years, keep him talking.  Do the one thing you know he enjoys doing, even if it's not your favorite.  Build a bridge, strengthen the connection between the two of you.  Stay close, but don't smother, and love unconditionally.  You've poured a lot into your son.  The proof of the pudding comes as he spreads his own wings and tries them.  Sometimes he has to take a hit before he realizes it's "real world time."  Don't save him every time, or he'll never be the man he was created to be.

And last -- but most importantly -- pray for him and for your relationship.  Pray for the faith to let go, for confidence in your and his abilities.

The One who made you and loves you is waiting to give help and comfort and peace all along the way.  No, He doesn't take away the pain and the frustration, but He gives us a way to deal with it.  When we begin to think about ourselves and our children in His scheme of things, we begin to think big.  We see ourselves and our children in His plan and our "today" perspective changes.

What's important for me to remember?


Motherhood (and fatherhood!) has many demands, but I can't do everything.  In fact, I don't need to.  There's One who knows better than I do and He's waiting to catch me and my son when we stumble.  He gives me grace to do all I can each day ... then His grace provides for all I didn't get to, as well.

It's hard to believe anyone loves my son more than i do.  But He does.

Knowing that, I can "Glory in His holy name; let the hearts of those who seek the Lord rejoice.  Look to the Lord and His strength; seek His face always." (Psalm 104: 3,4)

And I can help myself to peace -- from above.

"Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on Thee; because he trusteth in Thee."  - Isaiah 26:3 (ASV)

____________________

We can seek peace -- from above.  {deep breath}

Are you resting in God's peace?  If not, what is keeping you from doing so?  As you're praying today, ask God to show you ways that you're not trusting Him, perhaps for your sons, and release them to Him, choosing to trust in His plan for their lives.

Question for today:  When things don't go as you planned, and life seems to throw you a curve-ball, what is your heart's response?  Do you get angry with God?  Stop talking to him?  How do you train your children to handle such situations?

Day Ten - Fruit of the Spirit: Joy

Today I want to retype for you -- word for word -- the encouragement in the Leader's Guide that Brooke shared.  Enjoy!

"What is joy really?  And if my strength comes from the joy of the Lord (Psalm 28:7), then what does the joy of the Lord really look like?

As I write these words, I'm struggling with a deep desire to be grumpy and complain.  Most days I handle my husband's crazy shift-work schedule pretty well.  But today?  Well, today I feel like complaining.  So how do I find joy and strength from the Lord?  Enough to make me "burst out in songs of thanksgiving?"

How do YOU?

Here's the secret: Focus on Christ.  Focus on what He did for you (and for your sons) on the cross.  I suspect we Christians have a tendency to misunderstand the phrase, "placing our trust in Christ."  Placing our trust in Christ isn't something we did once and never do again.  Salvation may be a once and forever event, but trusting in Christ is ongoing.  Trusting in Christ's work of grace on the cross to be important enough to change my grumpiness to gratefulness.  Trusting in Christ's work of grace on the cross to get me through a rough day with my children.  Trusting in Christ's work of grace on the cross to be enough when I'm enduring tantrums in the grocery store.  Trusting in Christ's work of grace on the cross when my sons choose their own will ...

'The Lord is my strength and my shield; in him my heart trusts, and I am helped; my heart exults, and with my song I give thanks to him.' - Psalm 28:7"

FOOD FOR THOUGHT:  Christ's work on the cross was never intended to be something we took joy in one time and then never again.  Thinking on His work and embracing it with a heart of gratefulness is enough to make even the grumpiest among us "burst out in songs of thanksgiving."  No matter where we are, or what we're experiencing, we CAN find joy in focusing on all that Christ has done and made possible through His death and resurrection.

WOW.

Have you read the Fruit of the Spirit chapter that introduces prayers for love and joy (and the rest of the fruits of the spirit)?  I cried when I read it -- it hit so close to home.  And I KNOW that I am not alone.  But for me, we HAVE seen years and years of praying change the hearts of our sons, one in particular.  I pray EACH DAY that his heart -- and the hearts of his brothers -- will be filled with the fruit of the Spirit.

So keeping Brooke's story in the book in mind, I ask this...  There comes a time in every child's life, when the sin-nature starts to show its ugly head.  For Brooke and her husband, this came accompanied by a difficult life-altering challenge that made it difficult for them to train their son.  Can you relate?  How did you cope?  Comment below or on the Facebook page.

Today, cover your sons with the prayers regarding joy.  And I will cover you with these prayers, as well.