Monday, February 16, 2009

That little thing to the right....

Okay, so do you see that "Baby Namey" box to the side? The one that counts down the days to my impending due date? (Which I'm not entirely sure is COMPLETELY accurate?)

See the cute little pregnant girl...and those great legs that go on forever underneath that perfect little round basketball she's warming? Why, oh why, can I not have legs that look like that? I'm having one of those "I'm so fat" pregnant days, and my husband, bless his heart, says not to worry -- I look great he says, and I'll be back in tip-top shape in no time once the baby is born. Easy for him to say -- he does not have to don a swimsuit 8 weeks after he gives birth in Aruba! (Yes -- 8 weeks! More importantly...ARUBA! Most importantly....SWIM SUIT!!!!)

You see, I seem to be dispersing my pregnancy weight very evenly ALL over the body that I worked so hard to tone and shape prior to the creation of our beloved baby #4 in July. And don't get me wrong -- I know that it is all worth it. I mean, come on...I've done this a few times before. I entered into this state known as "pregnant" willingly and with a clear conscience, knowing full well that I would gain a few LBs. And I also thought that gaining the weight this time would not ever...not in a million trillion years...bother me. It never has before. But it is really bothering me this time! And you, my dear, blogging readers, are the ones that get to hear me bathe myself in self-pity.

I am not one of those pregnant women who feels great the whole time she's pregnant. I actually really hate the way I feel when I'm pregnant -- but again, having kids is SO worth it and such a blessing that I think it's worth the pain, discomfort, and body-changing challenges you encounter. Having said that....I'm just not lovin the whole body-changin' challenges part today.

So....the countdown is on...for lots of things. (1) Of course, the arrival of our newest blessing (we are SO excited and cannot wait to meet him or her!). (2) the end of the gestational era of my life...baby #4 is our last. (3) the opportunity to work this bod out again so that my legs have a fighting chance at looking like THAT....and vain or not, working out (with or without the goal of those legs looking like that) actually makes me a better mommy because I feel so much better. Physically, emotionally, all over!

So until this little sweet pea decides to see the sun for the first time (around Easter -- in 8 weeks or less, please!), I will be trying to stave off the feeling of impending "faintdom" that occurs every time I walk up the steps (or to the mailbox...or to the bathroom...or buckling kids in the car...or....), and the mirror will no longer be looked at except to make sure everything is tucked in (and untucked) in the right places, and finally...I will be trying, with every ounce of being in me, to enjoy these last weeks of being pregnant. Because I know, as much as I despise the way that I feel, I will never ever again feel a life growing inside of me. And that's enough to quickly put an end to the pity party that I have thrown for myself.

Here's to less than 60 days!!!!!

5 comments:

ash said...

oh hun! you'll have to post a photo just so we can all laugh at how you see yourself! seeing your 20 week photo on facebook was shocking! so thin looking more like 12 weeks! (i'm also going to live a little vicariously through you since i got all of my kids minus the body changing)

You are amazing and i love you. have a great day and i look forward to seeing you again after we move there.

ash

The Carrikers said...

54 days! You have an award "at work"

JOAN said...

Alyssa, I am smiling at your post. I hope you can feel better until your baby arrives, because I know that in that moment you will forget all this.

Take care!!

amym said...

Alyssa,

This post is useless with out a picture!!! :) Let's see one of this beautiful baby belly!!!

Amy

Anonymous said...

Guess who? I am looking forward to thumping that watermelon before it goes away.